They remember that at that time they had been looking after the children more often than usual. They also started to notice things about the children that began to ring alarm bells. They then found out Children’s Services also had concerns about the children’s well-being. Not wanting the children separated, Rebecca and Jon offered to care for all the children. But, the birth father of all the children except Adam, took his own children to live with him.

Rebecca and Jon made repeated attempts to maintain a relationship with their grandchildren’s birth father. With limited support, and feeling isolated and confused, the relationship broke down. Rebecca feels distressed that after many attempts to reunite the children, Adam has had no contact with his siblings since.

Rebecca has found this difficult, ‘He brings us so much pleasure the little one. But there’s also the fact that we’ve lost the other children. It’s a real mix of emotions. Sometimes I get really down about that and I sit and cry. I feel as if I’ve got to sort of pull myself together and be there for Adam and reassure him’.

Rebecca believes having the support of Jon has helped her to cope with everything, ‘Jon has been a rock! I mean he’s never complained about taking any of this responsibility on. I don’t know if I could have managed it all without him’.

Having limited support made getting the Special Guardianship Order a more difficult process. They felt threatened and confused by the process. Rebecca says, ‘It was an absolute constant worry the first two years before we got the Special Guardianship Order’.

Despite this being a difficult time, they continued to try to reunite the children. They remember having limited support and not understanding their rights in this situation. As such, they worried their actions could affect getting care of Adam. Rebecca says, ‘We kept asking social services why Adam was not allowed contact with his siblings. I was really distressed’. Rebecca and Jon have made many attempts to reunite the children but without any success. Rebecca believes better support would have helped Adam and his siblings stay in touch.

Then Rebecca and Jon found out about a support network through a chance meeting with a neighbour. Rebecca got in touch with a local project working with Kinship carers. Also, Rebecca joined a local organisation and she continues to go for advice and support. Rebecca remembers, ‘We had no proper support at first. The only people I could trust was Escape and Grandparents Plus. They were absolutely marvelous and a fantastic support. I was an emotional wreck. I don’t know what kind of state I would have been in, if I hadn’t been able to sit and talk and cry, and get advice’.

Rebecca and Jon are clear, applying for the Special Guardianship Order was the right thing to do. Rebecca explains, ‘I could not let Adam go into care. I would never have been able to forgive myself. So, we’ve come full circle back to school runs and parent and teacher meetings. But, I can’t imagine it any other way. We did feel as if we would have a bit more time for ourselves but that’s not what was planned for us’.

Rebecca and Jon had to get to grips with having a young child at school again. Rebecca explained, ‘It’s really changed since my own children were little. Jon agrees and says, ‘It’s hard because we’re older, you forget. We’ve got the experience but we forget the way to handle things’.

Rebecca and Jon have a good relationship with Adam’s school. Adam has difficulties at times fitting in with others. They work with the school to develop inclusive strategies, so Adam can join in all aspects of school life.

Finding time for fun things to do with Adam is important to Rebecca and Jon. Rebecca says, ‘He loves to go with Jon when he takes the dog down to the beach’. Jon agrees, ‘He loves the beach and collecting ‘fossils’. Everything he finds is a fossil’.

Rebecca also mentions, ‘We sometimes sit and play games and he’s quite clever at building things. He finds giving away toys difficult. We’re trying our best and slowly working it so that he knows he’s still going to have toys left if he gives some away’.

Rebecca and Jon have been kinship carers for five years now. Rebecca finds the support she receives from attending Kinship Care groups invaluable. She says, ‘I go to monthly meetings to sit and chat with other people in the same boat. To know that other people are going through what you’ve been through, you don’t feel so isolated’. Jon agrees that talking to other kinship carers is a great help. Jon considers there is less support available to him as the step grandfather to Adam. He feels frustrated about this. Rebecca and Jon face challenges on a daily basis. Talking them through with other Kinship Carers helps them to deal with some of the trickier ones. From his experience, Jon advises, ‘Don’t be frightened to come forward and contact the people in the same situation. You get a lot of support’.

Rebecca and Jon often think about what will happen to Adam as they get older. Rebecca mentions, ‘That’s always a common worry for people of our age who are Kinship Carers. What happens if I get too old or what happens if I die before they reach a certain age’?

Sometimes knowing how to answer Adam’s questions can be difficult; so chatting to others can help. Rebecca explains, ‘Adam asks questions whether his mam ever loved him and why did she have him. It’s difficult but I say, she did love you, but she just couldn’t look after you anymore’.

Even with the group support, having her grandchildren separated, continues to upset Rebecca. She says, ‘I’ve obviously lost track of them now because I don’t know where they are. But this guilt gnaws away at me the whole time. They might be perfectly happy but I really think Adam should be having contact. He’s lost his mother, he’s lost his siblings and half his pets. He’s suffered an awful lot of loss. He brings us a lot of love. So, although we’ve given up a lot, he brings us such pleasure, he really does. Honestly just to see him laugh after what he’s been through!