Anne & George’s Story

Anne and George have been Kinship Carers for two years. They have Special Guardianship Orders for their two young grandchildren Dereck and Kayla. George explains, ‘Well life was jumping around very canny. We could go where we wanted and when we wanted. We would go for drives in the car and be out all day’.

Then, they received a phone call. Their grandson had non-accidental injuries and was in care. He had previously lived at home with his expectant mum and stepfather.

Although Anne and George were in shock at this news, they both had suspicions things were not right. They had begun to notice small things. They noticed a change in Dereck’s behaviour when taking him home after spending a day with them. Anne and George mention feeling guilty that they missed these signs at the time.

Anne and George spent a lot of time with their grandson and had a close relationship with him. When Dereck went into care, Anne and George felt heartbroken that they were not allowed to visit him. Anne remembers that time well and says, ‘The days were long but the nights even longer. We didn’t know what we could do. We were left in limbo’.

Anne and George went days, weeks and then months without seeing their grandson.

‘It was killing us, after seeing him nearly every day, to not seeing him at all’.

After weeks of asking to see their grandson, they received permission to visit him.

‘He was all over us and wouldn’t let us out of his sight. The leaving was heart wrenching, as he was calling loudly for us ‘grandma and granddad’. We got into the car and broke down and cried’.

Anne and George remember feeling confused with the legal process and court case. They found it difficult dealing with social services and solicitors. Anne and George knew it was unlikely their grandson would go back to his mum. So, they took up the fight to have him live with them.

George says, ‘We were put through all this and at the end of the day we didn’t do anything wrong. All we wanted was our grandchildren to be safe. It’s all we’ve ever wanted. When we knew his mother wasn’t going to fight for him we thought well, we’ll fight for him’.

By this time Dereck’s mum had given birth to their granddaughter Kayla. Anne and George realised they would now need to fight for both grandchildren.

George admits, ‘I’ve shed many a tear. I kept thinking we’re going to lose and how will we ever see him and the baby again. We kept battling and battling away, although they were starting to wear us down. We didn’t know where to go for help and support. We were at a loss, and to think all we wanted was our family, just to bring them up and make them happy’.

Anne and George talk about their heartache of receiving a ‘goodbye report’. The report was a pre-adoption plan setting out a six week proposal of saying final goodbyes to the children. George says, ‘We were put through hell. We felt we had hit rock bottom. We couldn’t get how alone we were’.

As they were giving up hope, they received the contact details for the Relative Experience project. A project set up to support Kinship Carers. Anne and George remember the visit from the project worker and the feeling of hope she gave them.

George explains, ‘She just lifted us’.

The project worker suggested they contact a law firm more familiar with Kinship Care.

Anne remembers, ‘We’re not very good on the telephone. So, the project worker phoned the solicitor for us and then handed me the phone. We’ve never looked back’.

George says, ‘I felt a weight just coming off me. I felt great, and I thought, right let’s get back to the battle for the kids. Nothing else mattered, just the thought of fighting and fighting for the kids’.

Anne and George had never heard of a Kinship Carer until the visit from the project worker. The project worker then introduced them to a support group run by other kinship carers.

Anne says, ‘We’d never been to anything like that before. I was pushing George to go first. Then when we went in everyone was saying ‘hello’ and someone made us a cup of coffee. It’s a fantastic group. It’s happy and friendly, and it’s nice to just talk and help one another’.

George likes going to the group. As he says, ‘We get good solid advice because these people have been through it and come out the other end. We can have a laugh or a cry’.

Anne and George believe getting the right advice and support was the turning point in getting care of their grandchildren.

They both found out the good news that they had care of both grandchildren whilst out driving in the car.

Anne remembers, ‘When we got the call to say that our grandchildren could come and live with us we cried in relief. We were cuddling each other, and just cried our hearts out’.

Anne and George have been through a lot trying to get their grandchildren placed with them. They have moved from a one bedroom bungalow to a three-bedroom house. Now Anne and George live very busy and hectic lives.

George says, ‘There’s not enough hours in the day’.

Anne and George admit, ‘We don’t have much of a social life other than going to the group’.

George mentions, ‘Most nights I fall asleep in the chair because I’m shattered’.

Since becoming kinship carers, Anne and George’s lives are very different. Before, they would go out for long drives in the car with nothing to rush back for, now they spend a lot more time in the house.

George talks about the drives out and says, ‘None of that now as Dereck feels safer when he is at home. It’s his safe place’.

Anne agrees and says, ‘He feels safest when he’s in the house. We are here to safeguard him and to reassure him that no one will hurt him now.’

George and Anne remember Dereck as a happy, bubbly boy. This was before things became difficult at home and then spending a year in the care system.

George says, ‘He was always laughing. You know you’d think because he’s been with us for a year he’d feel safer. But no, we’ve still got to keep telling him nobody is going to harm him. Even the wind can frighten him and we have to keep reassuring him that he’s safe in our house’.

Dereck also has problems sleeping.

Anne explains, ‘He was frightened to go to bed but we’re getting there. He is getting better’.

Anne and George have a good relationship with Dereck’s school. They have helped Dereck overcome his fear of going to bed.

Anne and George manage the supervised contact for their grandchildren with their mum. This has been difficult because of what happened, and the court case. Anne decided to speak with Dereck and Kayla’s mum. She hoped they could work together to make the contact better for the children. Although at first this seemed to help, contact still remains challenging.

Anne and George talk about the lovely relationship they use to have with their daughter.

Anne talks about how difficult things have been and says, ‘We are also grieving for our daughter’.

George agrees, ‘We’ve always been close to our family. We’ve lost a daughter and we’ve lost grandchildren because they’re our children now. You can’t bring them up like grandparents would’.

George and Anne are keen to point out that as George says, ‘We still like to have a lot of fun and a carry on’.

Anne agrees with this, ‘We have fun times. Dereck loves going to soft play and we try to take him to different ones. He’s happier going out when it’s something like that, although we have to come straight home afterwards. Kayla likes to play with her dolls and pram. We love being in the garden and they love the paddling pool and trampoline. We take them to the park; we take them all over’.

Anne says, ‘Life is still good even if it’s stressful and we want our family close, we don’t want it split up. We are all happy living together. It was hard going through that but we wouldn’t have had it any other way’.

George agrees, ‘Yes we wouldn’t have it any different. But, I wouldn’t want anyone else to go through what we have been through’